Once again I have been away for some time.  

When I last wrote, we tried for some to get pregnant and were successful but then it stopped developing.  From there we explored adoption some and eventually took the 10-week MAPP training to explore Foster Care Adoption.  It is still on our radar.

We are looking at possibly buying a home and are going to again begin looking.

I'm still at the Mouse but lack contentment.

I did find a FL school to review my transcripts.  I've taken the courses with them which they required and only have one course I need to retake to meet the requirements.  From there I would need to pass the National Certification Test.

It has been eight months since I've posted.  I just don't spend the time on the computer I once did. 

I'm still with the mouse, but haven't yet liked the job. 

We have not yet been successful with inseminations attempts, so we are considering what our next step would be. 

I finally got a FL school to evaluate my transcripts from my massage school in CA for FL licensure.  I  have one more class to take to meet their requirements.  It would take some time for me to get back to where I feel like I could comfortably market myself to do massage and Reiki as a profession. 

I find it a bit silly that FL requires a massage licence in order to do Reiki, but it does.

More time has passed and I haven't been to Zaadz.

I started back at Disney on 12/28/06.  Wow -- it's a busy job.  I should be there today, but am home sick.  Major stomach challenges -- and am now feeling depressed on top of it.  Not sure which came first.

The pregnancy stopped developing, so that was a bit of a sad ending.  We will try again, but we must wait for the pregnancy hormone levels to drop and they have been taking thier time.

Hello --

Wow.  I haven't spent time on zaadz in about three months.  About the same amount of time since I got my job.

Wish I could report the job is wonderful, but, alas, I find it quite stressful.  Not the work, or the customers, but the relentless sniping, accusations, mind games and negativity.  I find it all tedious and unnecessary.  Really contrary to what I'd like to be a part of.

Speaking of work, I have been offered a position back with "the mouse."  When the official offer comes next week, I'll be accepting.  It will be nice to have the same days off as my husband.  I look forward to giving my notice, and to be around some folks who support team work and positive attitudes.

The last insemination didn't "take" and we had a second one on 11/25.  So far so good, but I've not been overly focusing on it because last time I got a bit "too hopeful."  Despite my intensive positive thinking, I was very disappointed when it didn't happen.  This time I'm trying to be distracted while hoping for the best.  Any and all positive thoughts and prayers would be well appreciated.

My sister-in-law is expecting, which is great.  And my brother-in-law just purchased his first house, which is also great.  Very happy for them both.

Well, I must get ready for a holiday dinner at, quite fortunately, my favorite restaurant.  So I will go. 

Thought I'd add a couple of blogs I enjoy (below):

Namaste, K

http://soulemama.typepad.com/soulemama/in_maine/index.html

http://lostintransition.typepad.com/bellablue/

A thought:

After a week of appointments at the Center for Reproductive Medicine, and seeing all these men and women of varying ages, shapes and sizes, I began thinking about right thinking, meditation, visualization and the power of peace and belief.  I am a rolling around in my mind the idea of putting together a course to teach directed toward conception/pregnancy that encompasses meditation, visualization and relaxation.  Whether the attempt at conception is successful...or not, relaxation, positive mind, and meditation would be a helpful tool.  I may not be a master (although I have a teaching certificate in meditation), but I do know and believe in the concepts.  I may put together an outline and present it to my doctor and see if they might like to have it as something for their patients to consider.

It's been a month since I posted something.  I can't seem to carve the time to spend on the computer.

The bug I had after our trip hung on until I finally took anti-biotics (boo).  Working a new job and being sick was tiring.  I went to a new acupuncturist and was pleased to find she is wonderful.  Almost an immediate return of energy (or lack of tiredness) that I hadn't had for a long time.  She also has wee band-aids in my ears holding accupressure beads for me to press to help continue the healing/energy clearing/chi flow to wellness.

From there, I was engulfed in a week of appointments with a reproductive doctor -- Pete and I are trying to have a baby.  While this may seem unremarkable, remember, I am 44 (and Pete is 34).  My eggs are not the young spring chickens they once were.  We are not doing IVF, but I have been taking Follistim to help my eggs ripen.  I'm trying to use the power of attraction/manifestation and imagine/visualize/believe that it is possible and manifest a result of our conceiving, a successful pregnancy, and healthy baby.

With the same principles in mind, I continue with my new job.  I have had some sales and it seems that with each day and each week I am a little more successful and each sale increases.  Yesterday, I had my first large sale -- $20,000.00 worth of furnishings in one purchase.  Whew. 

We are also trying to address whether we could/if we can purchase a home and are dealing with this at the moment as well.

All a bit overwhelming, all a bit exciting, and in it all I'm trying to remain calm, happy and positive.  I think I'm fairing pretty well -- however, my husband might disagree.  HA!  (I had a couple screechy days!!)

Be blessed... K

Well, Pete and I went to Cape Elizabeth, Maine, his hometown (very near Portland, Maine) and stayed with his parents for 10 days. Man, that place is awesome. I loved it...a lot. More on that another time.

The day after we got back, I started my new job (after six weeks unemployed). That same day I also got sick and I'm still a bit under the weather and dealing with clogged up breathing and fatigue. It's made my training at my new job more challenging. However, I think I really like my job. There is SO much to learn. It's surprising to me how much there is to learn, design coordinating aside. Thomasville has thousands of pieces in it's collections -- and when you add in upholstery possibilities, learning about wood veneers, construction, upholstery fabrics and grades, the ways the fabric is cut and placed, and then memorize the collections... yikes!! It's all stuff I'm excited to learn though. Now I just have to get some sales!! I've been selling on the floor for two days and not sold anything. They say it's a "Be Back" business though -- that most folks visit at least 3 stores before coming back and buying.  The great part to me is that instead of feeling as though I'm selling -- I really feel as if I'm helping instead.

I'm looking forward to Wednesday, my first day off (I'm off Thursdays and Fridays and every other Wednesdays) and to just sleeping. With this bug or infection, I've just been taking NyQuil and Dayquil (which I hate doing) and pushing on and then trying to study my six three inch binders I use to sell with, so I'm day-dreaming about resting/sleeping and drinking tea :-) ... and probably studying more.

Well, I'm finishing up all the running around doing laundry, watering plants, figuring out how to use the food in the fridge, getting the pets ready, trying to exercise and get in 9 months worth of shape in an hour (ha!) and trying to get done with a million things that should have been done long ago (LOL) before we head out for vacation in the AM. 

We are going to Cape Elizabeth, Maine -- which is where my husband Pete is from.  It's my first time and I'm looking forward to it!  It will be nice to visit with his parents on their home turf  too -- and look at all those childhood pictures of everyone.  We'll be gone from 8/3 - 8/13.

We'll -- I'd better run and try and get more done.  (I'm one of those people who likes to come home to a nice clean house after being away.)

AND, when we return, I start my new job the following day.  Wow. 

Namaste,

K

I wish I better understood why I am so often "stuck" -- almost as if my feet are stuck in thick mud, unable to move.  Unable to move, something in me gives up and I just sort of disappear.  There I am, going along well in the flow, moving, inspired and then...derailed.  I run off the track and find myself in the mud.

Being unemployed has been difficult and not simply because of the lack of income.  It's a shame really.  All that time to yourself, time where you could think and write and meditate -- instead is filled with a frantic guilt (at least it is for me).  "Must find a job", "must search for in-between-jobs", "must be productive", "what does my husband think."  Guilt.  Guilt.  Guilt.  It permeates my being.

There are three days left before we leave for our "vacation" (Planned long ago -- to visit Pete's home town in Maine, my first trip, a nice visit with his parents, nice, eh? Yet, in my mind, all I can think is another week of no income.  Guilt.)  When we return, I begin my new job on the 14th. 

These three days before we leave -- I'm going to try and embrace them, selfishly, spiritually, internally, physically -- and try and find my center, try and say "it's okay" and connect myself to the source, the source that has already answered my inner prayers.  Try and be kind to myself and hear the inner direction to my path.

To be honest, I did have p/t work for today and tomorrow -- but this morning it fell through.  In that moment, I said to myself -- no guilt, no fear, this is "time" handed back to you.  Accept it with a grateful heart. 

I put in a Seane Corn Vinyasa Flow dvd -- and while I did not finish it all -- I felt something within me "move" as I moved and listened to her speak.  Eventually I sat back and just watched Seane.  I felt like there was a small bit of 'home" that opened up in me.  A door unlocked -- and I hope to be able to open it fully. 

A friend of ours came over yesterday, Melanie, and it was so lovely to spend time with her.  She's the type of person that just has an energy that is wonderful to bump up against.  It had been a long time since we'd seen her and chatted and caught up.  We shared our wedding DVD with her -- and then she shared with us.  She'd brought over an Abraham Hicks CD for us to listen to -- and while I wasn't sure what to expect -- I intentionally opened to the experience.  So much of what was spoken made such complete sense and seemed to be what I need to be reminded.  I was grateful she shared in that moment.

Speaking of grateful...the community within Zaadz is an inspiration for me and a sort of life preserver.  I consider it a blessing. 

Namaste...

Ah, the emotional journey of unemployment.

I have been offered a position as a Design Consultant at a high-end furniture store.  I've accepted for a few reasons.... The first is that I have a natural ability to "ice-break" with people (to warm them up) and enjoy meeting people.  I've been told many times I should be in sales but have rarely found things that I would be comfortable selling.  I am horrible at selling people things that I feel they really don't need (and was TERRIBLE many years ago as a cosmetics counter manager.  Women would come in telling me how hideous they were and that they needed to purchase everything I had -- and rather than selling them everything, I would be more concerned with their self-esteem and would end up trying to reframe their thoughts and self-image.) The furniture of this manufacturer is beautiful and well-made -- and, in my opinion, furniture is something people shop for when they are ready, or preparing to, purchase.  It is generally not a purchase of impulse or whimsy -- and in that I would feel comfortable helping them find the right piece.  I'd very much like to learn the art of sales -- the skill of "sales through listening" -- and work through my own lack of confidence in closing a sale.  I am not interested in high pressure sales, but do feel that sales is a skill that applies to many other areas of our life, whether we are starting our own business or championing a good cause.  I worked in the Visual Arts department of the creative group in my former job and really enjoyed putting together the Interior Design mood boards and working with the fabrics, colors and designs.  In this new role, I hope to be able to tap back in to my strong creative side.  If the customers so wishes, you go to their homes and help them work out their goals for their interiors.  It's a complete departure from an office environment, which is what I was looking for.  I interviewed for a "good" position in an office environment the other day and as I was waiting for the interviewer -- looking around at the cubes and the static energy of staff -- I suddenly wanted to run for my life.  Literally.  There was a rush in me that wanted nothing to do with being in that position again.  One of reasons I took this role was remembering that feeling.  I don't begin until 8/14 (we will be in Maine from 8/3-8/13), and so -- until then -- I am interviewing today with an agency for a temporary position fund-raising for the Muscular Dystrophy Association to get some kind income flowing.

My goal after beginning the new job is to approach my work from a fresh perspective -- from a perspective of learning, being of service to people, challenging myself to grow, and as a means of livelihood for myself and my family/household, to eliminate debt, and as a means of support as I explore myself and my greater goals.